An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer "was lying at the point of death," exclaimed: "My Gracious! Won't even death stop that man's lying?"
We mustn't kiss the baby, we mustn't kiss the kid,
We mustn't kiss the dainty miss, so scientists affirm;
To pounce upon and "wrastle" us there waits the awful bacillus,
The sempiternal, most infernal omnipresent germ.
"What I like about the Irish is that they are so modest and unassuming."
"Holy smoke!"
"Fact. When an Irishman does anything great he does not go bragging of his ability as another man would. He merely brags about Ireland."
"I had soup in a restaurant the other day and found an oyster in it."