"He never touched her?"
"No. He was a man-eating shark."
Groceryman—"Pat, do you like apples?"
Pat—"Sure, sor, Oi wudn't ate an apple for the world."
"Why how is that?"
"Ough! didn't me ould mother die av apple plexy?"
"See here, sir," remonstrated the young gentleman, "I got up to give my seat to the lady, not to you."
"Ach, dat's all right. She's my vife," he responded placidly. And he kept the seat.