Well, a cow drinks water to make milk, while a baby just drinks milk.
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Dear Captain Billy—How can I keep my husband home at night?—Worried Newlywed.
Take five pounds of fusel oil, two pounds of prunes and one pound of raisins, put it in a five gallon crock. Then for nine dreary evenings, sit beside the crock and gently lift up the cheesecloth cover and hold communion therewith. It will sing a song to you in peculiar fashion, reminding you of the olden days when you put the parlor sea shell to your ear to hear the wild waves roar. You’ll hear Eva Tanguay singing “I Don’t Care.” When the tenth day has come to pass, strain the contents of the crock into bottles and then you can telephone your husband’s drug store and tell him to come home. You should have no further trouble in retaining his company.
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Dear Captain—What’s the difference between a sea gull and a baby?—Flipflop Flapper.
A sea gull flips along the shore, while a baby slips along the floor.
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Dear Skipper Bill—Don’t you think that giving up drinking will assure a longer life?—Repentant Soak.
Perhaps you’re right. I once gave it up for 24 hours and it was the longest day I ever lived.