She Felt Bad When Well
An old lady, really quite well, was always complaining and “enjoying poor health,” as she expressed it. Her various ailments were to her the most interesting topic in the world. One day a neighbor found her eating a hearty meal, and asked her how she was.
“Poor me,” she sighed, “I feel very well, but I always feel bad when I feel well, because I know I am going to feel worse afterward.”
Drove Him Mad
They took him to the sanatorium moaning feebly: “Thirty-nine, thirty-nine.”
“What does he mean by that?” the attendant inquired.
“It’s the number of buttons on the back of his wife’s new frock,” the family doctor explained.
Tweedledum or Tweedledee
Joseph Chamberlain was the guest of honor at a dinner in an important city. The Mayor presided, and when coffee was being served the Mayor leaned over and touched Mr. Chamberlain, saying, “Shall we let the people enjoy themselves a little longer, or had we better have your speech now?”