"I should think you would not want to put this up," remarked the pawnbroker. "What will you cook your dinner in?"
"Sure it's to get money to buy meat with to put in it that I'm pawnin' the thing."
A New York police magistrate, who has made a reputation for irascibility, was scolding half a dozen hawkers and peddlers who had been arrested for standing about and encumbering the sidewalks. "We can't allow this," exclaimed the excitable magistrate. "If everybody stood in the street, how could anybody get by?"
IN THE TRAINED-MONKEYS' CAGE.
First Monkey. "You remember that boy who was teasing me yesterday? I caught him by the wrist and pretty nearly twisted his arm off."
Second Monkey. "Yes; I heard him tell another boy he got hurt by a monkey-wrench."
The story is told that Daniel Webster, when on his way by stage-coach to Washington once, was looked upon with suspicion by his travelling companions. Finally one of the latter tapped him on the knee and said,