You should clearly and completely understand
That your duty in a novel is not to soar, but grovel,
If you want it to be profitably banned.
So be lavish and effusive in suggesting
A malignant and mephitic atmosphere,
And you're sure to be applauded as arresting,
Elemental, unalluring and sincere.
If you meditate a matrimonial venture
That will turn the cheek of Mrs. Grundy pale,
Don't be lured by pretty faces or by dainty airs and graces