So thirsty were the Americans on board, it is stated, that on her homeward trip the Mauretania was drunk dry two days out. To remedy this unsatisfactory state of affairs a syndicate of wealthy Americans is understood to be formulating an offer to tow Ireland over to the New Jersey coast if a liquor licence is granted to the tug.
There is no truth in the report that, as the result of a majority vote of the Dublin Corporation, the sword and mace have been replaced by a pistol and mitre.
We live in strenuous times. The Mad Mullah has been reported in action and Willesden has won the London Draughts' Tournament.
By the way, those who remember the Mad Mullah's earlier escapades are of the opinion that it is high time for him to be killed again.
The Home Secretary hopes to introduce an Anti-Firearms Bill. Under this Act it is expected that it will be made illegal for criminals to shoot at people into whose homes they break.