YOUR WIFE HAS BOLTED.—She has indeed bolted the front door, thinking that you are not coming home to-night. But you will return, and the poor thing will be roused from her first sleep, and have to come down in the cold to let you in, for as for waking that Emma, you might as well try to arouse Lord Aberdeen to a sense of the honour of England. Why, then, not save your wife's health by furnishing your door with one of Tumbler and Co.'s Latch Locks? To be seen in action at &c.
GREAT FIRE IN THE PALACE.—"And a very good one, too," as Her Majesty was graciously pleased to remark, desiring H. R. H. the Prince of Wales to let the poker alone, as with Coals at two pounds a ton, he must not be extravagant. Matrons of England, learn a lesson of economy from the first Lady of the Land, and show that you have done so by ordering your Coals at Slates and Company, Whiteash Wharf.
THE THAMES IS FROZEN OVER.—When this announcement is made, the next thing will be that an Ox will be roasted whole on the ice. Without approving a proceeding which is rather silly and usually a failure, Wobbles and Co. must say, that their Patent Roasting Jacks (price Eleven and Eightpence) will perform the feat, if any invention can, and, in the meantime, will roast anything else, from a Plover to a Pig.
NEVER GO TO A THEATRE, at least not without one of Windum's Air Cushions, which afford so luxurious a seat that you will be able to enjoy most performances, and almost to endure the deathless Clown without much annoyance.
MR. HARRISON AINSWORTH is quite well.—This circumstance will gratify that gentleman's myriad admirers, and their satisfaction will be complete when they are informed that, not only Mr. Ainsworth's masterly works, but those of all other writers of celebrity, are bound by Vellum and Tooley, corner of Bobchurch Lane, upon the most reasonable terms, and with the greatest expedition.