SOMEWHERE.
A lady who gave herself great airs of importance, on being introduced to a gentleman for the first time, said, with much cool indifference, "I think, Sir, I have seen you somewhere." "Very likely you may," replied the gentleman, with equal sang froid, "as I have been there very often."
GOOD SHOT.
A physician, who lived in London, visited a lady who resided in Chelsea. After continuing his visits for some time, the lady expressed an apprehension that it might be inconvenient for him to come so far on her account. "Oh! by no means," replied the doctor; "I have another patient in the neighborhood, and I always set out hoping to kill two birds with one stone."
ORIENTAL WIT.
A young man, going on a journey, intrusted a hundred deenars to an old man. When he came back, the old man denied having had any money deposited with him, and he was had up before the Khazee. "Where were you, young man, when you delivered this money?" "Under a tree." "Take my seal and summon that tree," said the judge. "Go, young man, and tell the tree to come hither, and the tree will obey you when you show it my seal." The young man went in wonder. After he had been gone some time, the Khazee said to the old man, "He is long—do you think he has got there yet?" "No," said the old man; "it is at some distance; he has not got there yet." "How knowest thou, old man," cried the Khazee, "where that tree is?" The young man returned and said the tree would not come. "He has been here, young man, and given his evidence—the money is thine."
BAD LIGHTS.
An Irish gentleman, in company, observing that the lights were so dim as only to render the darkness visible, called out lustily, "Here, waiter, let me have a couple of dacent candles, that I may see how those others burn."
PAIR OF SPECTACLES.
Two brothers having been sentenced to death, one was executed first. "See," the other brother said, "what a lamentable spectacle my brother makes! in a few minutes I shall be turned off; and then you will see a pair of spectacles."