“We ask to know!” collapse my Japanese Friends in unicorn & leave me alonesome with my sick medicines.
Mr. Editor, as I continue enjoying sickness I got time to think about important topicks in an entirely fooly way. I think about all them American & English gentlemans what has seeked North Pole because they was not tame enough to enjoy game of golluf and bridge-card. How much more jollifying to go straggling for deathsome effort over dreer waists of ice with full heart and empty stummick—how much more pleasant this are than continually gollufing over the links with a retired cloak manufacturer what can’t talk about nothing else besides roomatism & Marie Corelli! When Hon. Arctick Explorer think of some persons he have left behind his awful solitude become entirely cozy.
Mr. Editor, what nationality of human races has not enjoyed hunting for Poles? Irish mans, Americans, Danes, Swedishes, all make rapid vi with each other for this sport. Hon. Russian police is also fond of hunting Poles, but them is usually of an entirely Jewish variety. Hon. Duke de Bruzzi were unable, thank you, to observe the Hon. Pole to discover it; but he recently discover America with a very matrimonial expression. Only human nationalities which does not care about dashes to North Pole is Hon. Niggers which is too lazy and Hon. Japanese which has got too much sense.
Hon. Walter Wellman of Chicago discover Hon. Pole in a airship. Hon. Magazines, Newspaper press, etc., all get delicious accounts about Hon. Wellman’s discovery long-time before it happen, which was fortunate because it never did. Great day of discovery arrive. “Are you ready, Hon. Wellman?” require Hon. Photographer with Chicago accent. “Of sure I are!” explode Hon. Wellman, who was without a daunt. “Then cut-it the string!” say-all, and Hon. Airship arise to duzzy hight of 18 feet where Hon. Wellman could see distinctly maglificant penorama of Arctick scenery with nice fotos of Alice Boreas all lit up, which he send to Chicago newsoffice with report, “I am sure Hon. North Pole are still over there.” Then his airship descend down with a bursted stummick.
Since then Hon. Wellman have turned from Baloons to Bryan. He-say for recent newspaper article: “Hon. Bryan will of sure get to White House by a short cut.” If Hon. Bryan start to White House by Hon. Wellman windship he might get there, but would he?
Mr. Editor, I have following poetick rapture because my head is sick:
Columbus say the World go roundy-round
Just like bisickel wheel do, day & night;
The Pole it are a Hub which move that ground
And are too busy, thanks, to act polite.