San Francisco, Sept. 1st.
To Editor of New York Newspaper which must be very marriageable person, if he has not already attended his own.
Hon. Mr.—Frank the Japanned Bootpolish, who is a mental Socialist, say me this statistick for peevish argument:
“Twenty-five thousand pairs of people is married together by each day in these U. S.”
“Such delicious number of happiness!” I commit, pointing to Utah on map.
“Of them 25,000 wedding ceremonies,” derange Frank with Harvard expression, “at leastly 23,000 is International Marriages, including, by police-record, following races: Huns, Finns, Siberians, Liberians, Polaks, Mollusks, Mazourkas, Dons, Otts, and Pennsylvanians.”
“Them races is told apart by washing them,” I deride for conversation.
“Of them 23,000 assorted foreigns getting married together by each day, maybe there is a few number with something queer about them; maybe 100 of them has clubbed feets, 50 of them is double-jointed dwarfs, 10 of them has two heads apiece, 6 of them is Siamese twins, and 1 or 2 of them is a Duke or something.”
“Do newspaper-press mention with loud excitement the marriage of all them Hon. Freaks?” I ask for knowledge.
“Seldom if any,” say Frank the Japanned Bootpolish. “What say Hon. Shakespeare about International Marriages? He-say, ‘When Princes wed there is such big show that other Hon. Freaks must crawl out under tent.’”