“What time is them machinery set for?” say Majesty rubbing pale nerves at elbow.
“For 9.30 A. M., Hon. Sire,” say Gen.
“Drive onwards, Hon. Coachman,” say Little Father with smiling expression. “Them infernal machinery will not go off before 1.30, because every clock in St. Petersburg is 4 hours slow!”
And so it do happen. Them patent exploders lay in gutter waiting with loud clock-work noise till afternoon-time. They don’t see no aristocracy worth blowing up, so they don’t. But with immediate promptness at 1.30 P. M. all them machine make smash-off and kill parade of Cigar Makers’ Union out on strike.
Mr. Editor, one gentleman of New York, of recently, throw bomb to Hon. Police who afterward pick him together from fence & trees. He was Nihilist gentleman who was practising. Bombs is more noisy than pianos when practised on, but they has less endurance. When Hon. Police with club enquire of them Hon. Nihilist, “Why did you done them explosion with Hon. Bomb?” he make reply for answer, “Because-so I am disagreeable about your politicks.”
Bombs is very wrong things to have around when you are disagreeable about anything. I ask to know; what would be result if all persons done that for argument? I am disagreeable about W. Furo who come around with Italian garlick in his voice. Must I bomb him for it? I am offended by Hon. Strunsky, Irish gentleman who keeps saloon. Shall I make bang-up of him because of? Must I explode all labour unions, Democrats, Christians and troubles of life, including Cousin Nogi, who is secretive about my refined shirt he borrow for Sunday next? Ah no! Dynamite are too expensive to be so generous with.
I am regretful, Mr. Editor, to see them foreign species of explosions being brought over to this kingdom of America where murder has always been very simple & democratick. It are nassuating to Japanese Boy to see them Baltick propoganders dropping deathly fireworks into Union Square, N. Y. It is one sneeky trick. How much more honest and straight-fronted are it to see one Southern Congressman shoot negro vote in street-car of Washington! Black Handed Association of Italian secret knife-stick are very doggish case of lowdown deprave; but Night Riding Association of American lynchers is considered very necessary band of patriotick terrors. When Black Handers shoot Italian banker it is call “imported crime;” when Night Riders shoot Southern farmer it is call “American custom.” There are great difference between them acts, but both are good ways to know.
There is some philanthropists what goes around Hon. World bombing kings, emperors, etc., whenever one is met.
“Why you explode them kings & emperors?” I enquire to know of one Hon. Asassin I meet at sidewalk.