But here I was, nothing but a very ordinary Oklahoma Cowpuncher who had learned to spin a Rope a little and who had learned to read the Daily Papers a little, going out before the Aristocracy of Baltimore, and the President of the United States, and kid about some of the Policies with which he was shaping the Destinies of Nations.
How was I to know but what the audience would rise up in mass and resent it? I had never heard, and I don’t think any one else had ever heard of a President being joked personally in a Public Theatre about the Policies of his administration.
The nearer the time come the worse scared I got, George Cohan, and Willie Collier, and others, knowing how I felt, would pat me on the back and tell me, “Why he is just a Human Being; go on out and do your stuff”. Well if somebody had come through the dressing room and hollered “Train for Claremore Oklahoma leaving at once”, I would have been on it. This may sound strange but any who have had the experience know, that a Presidential appearance in a Theatre, especially outside Washington, D. C. is a very Rare and unique feeling even to the Audience. They are keyed up almost as much as the Actors.
At the time of his entrance into the House, everybody stood up, and there were Plain Clothes men all over the place, back stage and behind his Box. How was I to know but what one of them might not take a shot at me if I said anything about him personally?
Finally a Warden knocked at my dressing room door and said, “You die in 5 more minutes for kidding your Country”. They just literally shoved me out on the Stage.
Now, by a stroke of what I call good fortune, (for I will keep them always) I have a copy of the entire Acts that I did for President Wilson on the Five times I worked for him. My first remark in Baltimore was, “I am kinder nervous here tonight.” Now that is not an especially bright remark, and I don’t hope to go down in History on the strength of it, but it was so apparent to the audience that I was speaking the truth that they laughed heartily at it. After all, we all love honesty.
Then I said, “I shouldn’t be nervous, for this is really my second Presidential appearance. The first time was when Bryan spoke in our town once, and I was to follow his speech and do my little Roping Act.” Well, I heard them laughing, so I took a sly glance at the President’s Box and sure enough he was laughing just as big as any one. So I went on, “As I say, I was to follow him, but he spoke so long that it was so dark when he finished, they couldn’t see my Roping.” That went over great, so I said “I wonder what ever become of him.” That was all right, it got over, but still I had made no direct reference to the President.
Now Pershing was in Mexico at the time, and there was a lot in the Papers for and against the invasion. I said “I see where they have captured Villa. Yes, they got him in the morning Editions and the Afternoon ones let him get away.” Now everybody in the house before they would laugh looked at the President, to see how he was going to take it. Well, he started laughing and they all followed suit.
“Villa raided Columbus New Mexico. We had a man on guard that night at the Post. But to show you how crooked this Villa is, he sneaked up on the opposite side.” “We chased him over the line 5 miles, but run into a lot of Government Red Tape and had to come back.” “There is some talk of getting a Machine Gun if we can borrow one. The one we have now they are using to train our Army with in Plattsburg. If we go to war we will just about have to go to the trouble of getting another Gun.”
Now, mind you, he was being criticized on all sides for lack of preparedness, yet he sat there and led that entire audience in laughing at the ones on himself.