The invalid or the epicure, when he dines out, to save trouble to his friends, may carry with him a portable MAGAZINE OF TASTE. (See [No. 462].)
“If he does not like his fare, he may console himself with the reflection, that he need not expose his mouth to the like mortification again: mercy to the feelings of the mistress of the mansion will forbid his then appearing otherwise than absolutely delighted with it, notwithstanding it may be his extreme antipathy.”
“If he likes it ever so little, he will find occasion to congratulate himself on the advantage his digestive organs will derive from his making a moderate dinner, and consolation from contemplating the double relish he is creating for the following meal, and anticipating the (to him) rare and delicious zest of (that best sauce) good appetite, and an unrestrained indulgence of his gormandizing fancies at the chop-house he frequents.”
“Never intrust a cook-teaser with the important office of CARVER, or place him within reach of a sauce-boat. These chop-house cormorants, who
‘Critique your wine, and analyze your meat,
Yet on plain pudding deign at home to eat,’
are, generally, tremendously officious in serving out the loaves and fishes of other people; for, under the notion of appearing exquisitely amiable, and killingly agreeable to the guests, they are ever on the watch to distribute themselves the dainties which it is the peculiar part of the master and mistress to serve out, and is to them the most pleasant part of the business of the banquet: the pleasure of helping their friends is the gratification, which is their reward for the trouble they have had in preparing the feast. Such gentry are the terror of all good housewives: to obtain their favourite cut they will so unmercifully mangle your joints, that a dainty dog would hardly get a meal from them after; which, managed by the considerative hands of an old housekeeper, would furnish a decent dinner for a large family.”—Vide “Almanach des Gourmands.”
I once heard a gentle hint on this subject, given to a blue-mould fancier, who by looking too long at a Stilton cheese, was at last completely overcome, by his eye exciting his appetite, till it became quite ungovernable; and unconscious of every thing but the mity object of his contemplation, he began to pick out, in no small portions, the primest parts his eye could select from the centre of the cheese.
The good-natured founder of the feast, highly amused at the ecstasies each morsel created in its passage over the palate of the enraptured gourmand, thus encouraged the perseverance of his guest—“Cut away, my dear sir, cut away, use no ceremony, I pray: I hope you will pick out all the best of my cheese. Don’t you think that THE RIND and the ROTTEN will do very well for my wife and family!!” There is another set of terribly free and easy folks, who are “fond of taking possession of the throne of domestic comfort,” and then, with all the impudence imaginable, simper out to the ousted master of the family, “Dear me, I am afraid I have taken your place!”
Half the trouble of WAITING AT TABLE may be saved by giving each guest two plates, two knives and forks, two pieces of bread, a spoon, a wine-glass, and a tumbler, and placing the wines and sauces, and the MAGAZINE OF TASTE, ([No. 462],) &c. as a dormant, in the centre of the table; one neighbour may then help another.