Geological Society of Hog's Norton.—The fossil remains of an antediluvian pawnbroker have been dug up, within a mile of this place. This is not regarded as a very remarkable circumstance, as many recent instances have been known of the hearts of several persons of this class being in a petrified state while alive.
A successful method of converting stones into bread has been transmitted to the New Poor Law Commissioners, and a three-and-sixpenny medal presented to the ingenious discoverer thereof.
Zoological Society at Hookem Snivey.—A new animal has been transmitted from No-Man's Land, which has been named the Flat-Catcher. It bears some resemblance to the human species, as it walks on two legs, and has the gift of speech. It seems quite in its element when among pigeons, and preys ravenously on the gulls that hover about watering-places, getting hold of them by a kind of fascination, which throws its unconscious victims entirely off their guard, when it never fails to make them bleed profusely; after which, it suffers them to depart.
A laborious investigator has discovered that there are exactly nine millions, one hundred and sixty-four thousand, five hundred and thirty-three hairs on a tom-cat's tail, which he defies all the zoologists in Europe to disprove. He also maintains that a bull sees with its horns, and a rat with its tail, although he admits the possibility of their doing so without them.
It was stated at the last meeting of this institution, that one of its members had observed a tremendous water-spout from one of the plugs in Thames Street; and sensible shocks of an earthquake had been felt at Puddle-dock.
Society of Antiquaries.—Among the antiquities presented at the last meeting, was one of Cleopatra's corns, and the celebrated Needle with which she darned her hose; also, a gas-pipe, found at Herculaneum, and the fragment of a steam-carriage, dug out of the ruins of Palmyra.
Entomological Society in Grub Street.—A very animated conversation took place on the natural history of the flea, involving many curious conjectures, such as, whether it had ever been known to have attained the size of the elephant; whether it was of the same species with the hog-in-armour and the rhinoceros, or was to be classed among the Jumpers; how high and how often it leaped; whether it always looked before it leaped; and whether it leaped highest in Leap Year; the farther discussion of all which queries was deferred till the said Leap Year.
The Horticultural Society of Seven Dials has been presented, by the Society of Antiquaries, with the identical pumpkin converted by the fairy into Cinderella's chariot.
Premiums have been awarded by various learned bodies to the following:—
To Henry Broom, for the application of the crab motion, and the "do-as-little-as-possible" principle, to the state engine.—To Lord Durham, in conjunction with the above, for an improved mode of progression for the said engine, namely, by each pulling the opposite way.—To Signor Paganini, for an improved mode of extracting gold from catgut scrapings, and of skinning flints.—To Miss Harriet Martineau, for a new preventive check-string for the regulation of the fare (fair).—To the proprietor of Morison's Pills for the discovery of the perpetual motion.—To the Society for the Confusion of Useful Knowledge, for their successful endeavours in be-Knight-ing the public intellect.