JUNE.
| 1835.] | JUNE. | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Of all the folks, this month you'll see, | |||
| The DAYS are the longest family; | |||
| But the gallant Ross, in polar weather, | |||
| Met one as long as six Months together. | |||
| M | Season's | Odd Matters. | WEATHER. |
| D | Signs. | ||
| 1 | Quarter | Look for | |
| Rigdum Funnidos transcribeth | |||
| 2 | day | the following seasonable story from | ♈ ☿ ♍ ♀ ♑ |
| the lucubrations of his defunct friend, | |||
| 3 | rent | Poor Humphrey. | summer |
| 4 | to | weather | |
| HOW TO KILL FLEAS. | |||
| 5 | pay | ♅ ☊ ♌ | |
| A notable Projector became notable by | |||
| 6 | afraid | one project only, which was a certain | about |
| specific for the killing of Fleas; | |||
| 7 | to stay | and it was in form of a powder, and | ♄ ☌ ☽ ♏ |
| sold in papers, with | |||
| 8 | bolt | plain directions for use, as | this time; |
| followeth: The flea was to be held, | |||
| 9 | away | conveniently, between the | ⚹ ♀ ♈ ♐ ♎ |
| fore-finger and thumb of the left | |||
| 10 | come | hand; and to the end of the trunk or | that is |
| proboscis, which protrudeth in the | |||
| 11 | too | flea, somewhat as the elephant's | to say, |
| doth, a very small quantity of the | |||
| 12 | soon | powder was to be put from between | ♌ ♑ |
| the thumb and finger of the right | |||
| 13 | cash | hand. And the inventor undertook, | somewhat |
| that if any flea to whom his powder | |||
| 14 | affairs | was so administered should prove to | |
| have afterwards bitten a purchaser | ♉ ♋ ☋ ♅ | ||
| 15 | are | who used it, then that such | |
| purchaser should have another paper | warm, | ||
| 16 | out of | of the said powder, gratis. And it | |
| chanced that the first paper thereof | ♃ ♂ ⊕ | ||
| 17 | tune | was bought, idly as it were, by an | |
| old woman; and she, without meaning | perhaps | ||
| 18 | shoot | to injure the inventor or his | |
| remedy, but of her mere | hot, | ||
| 19 | the | harmlessness, did, innocently as it | |
| were, ask him whether, when she had | |||
| 20 | moon | caught the flea, and after she had | ☍ ♈ ♀ ⚹ ♊ |
| got it as before described, if she | |||
| 21 | we | should crack it upon her nail, it | or |
| would not be as well. Whereupon the | |||
| 22 | fly | ingenious projector was so | perchance |
| dumbfounded by the question, that, | |||
| 23 | by | not knowing what to answer on the | it may be |
| sudden, he said, with truth, to this | |||
| 24 | night | effect, that, without doubt, her way | coolish; |
| would do, too. | ♊ ♀ | ||
| 25 | rapid | ||
| and if | |||
| 26 | flight | ||
| it raineth | |||
| 27 | very | ||
| not, | |||
| 28 | quickly | ||
| it will | |||
| 29 | out of | ||
| be dry. | |||
| 30 | sight | ||
THE "WISDOM OF OUR ANCESTORS."
Rigdum Funnidos lamenteth, that there are, in this our day, among those who do seek to subvert the venerable usages of our ancestors, divers vauntings and boastings as to what they do most affectedly and erroneously term "the growing intelligence of the age,"—"the march of intellect," and such-like absurd phraseologies. This irreverent spirit doth manifest itself in unseemly comparisons, between the times which are past, and those which are present, which do end in a preferring, to the wisdom of the olden time, their own newfangled and presumptuous theories. Nay, there be even those who do maintain, that what the lamented Francis Moore did, and other equally wise admirers of the by-gone past do, venerate as the olden time, is, in very sooth, the juvenile time; inasmuch as time groweth older every day, and, as a necessary consequence thereof, every succeeding generation groweth wiser. It profiteth not to waste words on such manifest absurdity; suffice it therefore to say, that Rigdum Funnidos hath, with much cost and travail, assemblaged what may be most worthily intituled, a fair sample of 'collective wisdom' wherein will be found, most conspicuously shown forth, the worthiness of our ancestors to the designation of Wise.
"Concerning the superstitious use of what is called the Glorious Hand, or Hand of Glory, by housebreakers in their robberies, we have the following account:—The pretended use of this glorious hand is to stupify or stun all those who are present, and render them perfectly insensible. This glorious hand is the hand of a hanged criminal, prepared in the following manner:—It is wrapped up in a bit of winding-sheet, very tight, to force out the small remainder of blood, then put into an earthen vessel with zimat, saltpetre, salt, and long pepper, all well pulverised, after which, 'tis left fifteen days in that pot, then taken out and exposed to the hottest sun of dog days, till it becomes very dry; and if the sun be not hot enough, they dry it in an oven heated with fern and vervain; then they make a sort of candle of the grease of the hanged man, virgin wax, and Lapland sefanum, and they make use of this glorious hand as a candlestick, to hold this candle when lighted; and in all places wherever they come with this fatal instrument, everybody they find there becomes immoveable. We are also told, that it is to no purpose for thieves to make use of this glorious hand, if the threshold of the door, or other places by which they may enter, be rubbed over with an unguent, composed of the gall of a black cat, the fat of a white hen, and the blood of an owl, and that this composition be made in the dog days."—Tr. of Little Albert, p. 34.
"John Weer, in his Book de Prestigus, has drawn up an inventory of the diabolical monarchy, with the names and surnames of seventy-two princes, and the seven million four hundred and five thousand nine hundred and twenty-six devils, errors of computation only excepted, adding what qualities and properties, and to what purposes they may serve when invoked."—Bodin, p. 404.
"Thrasillus, a Heathen author, cited by Stobœus, says, that at the Nile was a stone like a bear, which cured those who were afflicted with dæmons for as soon as ever it was applied to the noses of dæmoniacks, the devil immediately left them."—Bodin, p. 301.
"The way to be certainly loved, is, to take the marrow of a wolf's left foot, and make of it a sort of pomatum, with ambergris and cyprus powder, carry it about one, and cause the person to smell of it from time to time."—Albertus, p. 12.
"To prevent differences and a divorce betwixt a man and his wife, take two quails' hearts, the one of a male, the other of a female, and cause the man to carry about him the male, and the woman the female."—Thiers, tome 1, p. 389.