"I see you have no brakeman. How do you flag the rear of your train if you are stopped from any cause between stations?"'
"We don't flag."
"Indeed! What a way to run a railroad! A man takes his life in his hand when he rides on it. This is criminally reckless!"
"See here, mister! If you don't like this railroad you can get off and walk. I am president of this road and its sole owner. I am also board of directors, treasurer, secretary, general manager, superintendent, paymaster, trackmaster, general passenger agent, general freight agent, master mechanic, ticket agent, conductor, brakeman, and boss. This is the Great Western Railroad of Kentucky, six miles long, with termini at Harrodsburg and Harrodsburg Junction. This is the only train on the road of any kind, and ahead of us is the only engine. We never have collisions. The engineer does his own firing, and runs the repair shop and round-house all by himself. He and I run this railway. It keeps us pretty busy, but we've always got time to stop and eject a sassy passenger. So you want to behave yourself and go through with us, or you will have your baggage set off here by the haystack!"
2. EXPLANATION
[To ridicule extravagant explanations that do not explain—or unreasonable pretensions to antiquity.]
An old Scotch lady, who had no relish for modern church music, was expressing her dislike to the singing of an anthem in her own church one day, when a neighbor said: "Why, that is a very old anthem! David sang that anthem to Saul." To this the old lady replied: "Weel, weel! I noo for the first time understan' why Saul threw his javelin at David when the lad sang for him."
3. RIDING A HOBBY
[To illustrate hobby-riding—very appropriate where many toasts and speeches run in one line.]
A boy in Buffalo, N. Y., who was asked to write out what he considered an ideal holiday dinner ménu, evolved the following: