58. NEUTRALIZING POISON
Col. John H. George, a New Hampshire barrister, tells a good story on himself. Meeting an old farmer recently whom he had known in his youth, the old fellow congratulated the Colonel on his youthful appearance.
"How is it you've managed to keep so fresh and good-looking all these years?" quoth he.
"Well," said George, "I'll tell you. I've always drank new rum and voted the Democratic ticket."
"Oh! yes," said the old man, "I see how it is; one pizen neutralizes the other!"
59. GENERAL BUTLER AND THE SPOONS
While General Butler was delivering a speech in Boston during an exciting political campaign, one of his hearers cried out: "How about the spoons, Ben?" Benjamin's good eye twinkled merrily as he looked bashfully at the audience, and said: "Now, don't mention that, please. I was a Republican when I stole those spoons."
60. MAKING MOST OF ONE'S CAPITAL
[One should always make the most of his capital, as this orator did.]
"Fellow-citizens, my competitor has told you of the services he rendered in the late war. I will follow his example, and I shall tell you of mine. He basely insinuates that I was deaf to the voice of honor in that crisis. The truth is, I acted a humble part in that memorable contest. When the tocsin of war summoned the chivalry of the country to rally to the defense of the nation, I, fellow-citizens, animated by that patriotic spirit that glows in every American's bosom, hired a substitute for that war, and the bones of that man, fellow-citizens, now lie bleaching in the valley of the Shenandoah!"