"Look here, sonny, you go over and play awhile for Mr. Wilson. Here is ten cents. He lives in that big white house over yonder. He plays the violin, and likes music better than I do."
"Well," said the boy, taking the "stamp," "I would, but he just gave me ten cents to come over and play for you!"
70. NOT FOOLED TWICE
San Francisco boasts of a saloon called the Bank Exchange, where the finest wines and liquors are dispensed at twenty-five cents a glass, with lunches thrown in free. A plain-looking person went in one morning and called for a brandy cocktail, and wanted it strong. Mr. Parker, as is usual with him, was very considerate, and mixed the drink in his best style, setting it down for his customer. After the cocktail had disappeared the man leaned over the bar and said that he had no change about him then, but would have soon, when he would pay for the drink. Parker politely remarked that he should have mentioned the fact before he got the drink; when his customer remarked: "I tried that on yesterday morning with one of your men, but he would not let me have the whiskey, so you could not play that dodge on me again!" This was too good for Parker, and he told the customer he was welcome to his drink, and was entitled to his hat in the bargain, if he wanted it.
71. BITING SARCASM
Standing on the steps at the entrance to one of the grand hotels at Saratoga, a young gentleman, in whom the "dude" species was strongly developed, had been listening with eager attention to the bright things which fell from the lips of the well-known wit and orator, Emory A. Storrs.
At last our exquisite exclaimed: "Er—Mr. Storrs,—I—er—wish, oh! how I—er—wish! that I had your—er—cheek."
Mr. Storrs instantly annihilated him with: "It is a most fortunate dispensation of Providence that you have not. For, with my cheek and your brains, you would be kicked down these steps in no time!"
72. INCORRIGIBLE NEIGHBOR
A lady in California had a troublesome neighbor, whose cattle overrun her ranch, causing much damage. The lady bore the annoyance patiently, hoping that some compunction would be felt for the damage inflicted. At last she caught a calf which was making havoc in her garden, and sent it home with a child, saying, "Tell Mrs. A. that the calf has eaten nearly everything in the garden, and I have scarcely a cabbage left."