“So you asked old Crusty for his daughter, eh? How did you come out?” “Through the window!”


“I wish you’d pay a little attention to what I say.” “I am, my dear—as little as possible.”


Emmy—“I’ve got an invite to the Charity Ball, but not the least idea what I am to go in. What would you wear if you had my complexion?” Fanny—“A thick veil.”


I have got a brother that hasn’t slept a night in two months.

How is that?

He is a night-watchman and sleeps day times.