And now when all was quiet; when the general, having seen his horse comfortably provided for; when not even a vulture was heard croaking his hopes of a banquet on some dead hero; and when the great and all powerful Potter was sleeping quietly in his camp, the whole army was thrown into a state of great confusion by various voices calling out that they had come upon the enemy, who was forming for battle. The alarm soon found the whole camp out in its shirt, ready to give as good as sent, though report had it that the force of the enemy was prodigious. Another moment and Broadbottom, panting for breath, came rushing into the commander's camp, crying at the very top of his voice: "General! general! for heavens sake get up and take command of the army, for the enemy is advancing rapidly upon us, and there will be one of the bloodiest battles!" A clash of arms was now heard outside, which confirmed what he said, and also sent a thrill of terror to the heart of the great Potter, whose stock of courage was as suddenly snuffed out. Loud reports of musketry followed the clash of arms, and then night was made terrible with divers other piercing cries common to battles of the most sanguinary character.
Feeling in his heart that it would not do for so great a general to let his army know that even an ounce of his courage had left him, he gave a turn in the sheets and was out of bed in a jiffy. He then got into his breeches, but not without some delay, occasioned, I am sorry to say, by divers snakes having invaded the camp and coiled themselves peaceably away in the nether parts. And this, added to the time lost in finding his sword, with which he swore he would trip the toes of all who came in his way, had well-nigh incurred the most fatal consequences. "Minutes are hours, general," spoke Broadbottom, addressing the commander; "and the slightest delay may play the very devil with the glory of our arms, and put an end to the noble enterprise we are engaged in." Hearing this from his second in command, the general quickened his motions and, buckling on his sword, ran out in his night-cap, but without either coat or boots. Indeed, I here assert that history, so far as I have read, affords no instance of one so famous in war as the great Potter proceeding to take command of his army in so strange a uniform. "Now, to my horse!" he exclaimed, "for I take it no man can command an army unless he be mounted." Broadbottom, who was a stalwarth Mississippian, and withal as great a wag as could be found in that state of wags, affected great concern lest the battle be lost for want of speedy action on the part of the commander-in-chief. And as misfortunes will come upon us during the most trying moments, so was it found on reaching old Battle that he had been suddenly seized with a cholic, and indeed was giving out so many proofs of his illness that his master was unable to withhold his tears. In short, so strong was the affection General Potter bore his horse that, being a man of great compassion, he was in no condition to fight a terrible battle. Still the noise of battle without warned him how much his presence was needed on the field. "Heavens! general," said he, wiping the tears from his eyes, "get you to the field without a moment's delay, sink all scientific rules, attack the enemy in front and rear, and when you have shown him that you care neither for him or the devil, turn his flank, which will throw him into confusion and give us a victory. Take the fighting of this great battle to yourself, for I see you are a man of wonderful capacity. And if you give the enemy a right good drubbing, depend upon it I will make the glory all your own, for it shall be recorded in more than one newspaper. It will not do to leave my poor horse in this condition." Broadbottom left the general shedding tears for his horse, and proceeded to carry out the orders of his superior, the extraordinary result of which will be found in the next chapter.
CHAPTER LIV.
WHICH TREATS OF VARIOUS CURIOUS THINGS THAT OCCURRED WHEN THE RESULT OF THE GREAT BATTLE OF THE BANANA HILLS WAS ANNOUNCED TO THE COMMANDER.
MORNING dawned as the clash of battle ceased, and victory was proclaimed by the vagabond army. And although General Potter had been biting his thumbs in fear of the result, this news so restored his courage that he mounted his three-cornered hat and declared nothing would deter him in future from commanding in person and making splinters of the enemy with his own sword.
"General!" exclaimed Broadbottom, as he came rushing into the camp, "the success of our arms is complete; yes, the god of war has smiled, and we have gained a great victory over the enemy-"
"Truly, general," interrupted the commander-in-chief, "you deserve well. But this I can tell you,-there is nothing like one man infusing his strength into another, which it was my good luck to do when directing you how to fight this battle, which, heaven be blest, has crowned our arms with glory."
"Aye," replied Broadbottom, with a smile, "I understand this well; but if you could have commanded in person, much blood and many valuable lives had been spared."
"That I am fully conscious of," rejoined the commander; "but when men have prodigies to perform, two heads, if I have read right, are better than one. But my horse is now restored to his usual good condition, which, thank heaven, will afford me an opportunity of displaying my valor in the next great battle. Give me, then, an account of the dead and wounded; as also what you have done with the prisoners." Broadbottom was not slow in performing this service, and gave the commander such a wonderful account of the number of the enemy they had killed that he stood surprised and confounded. "As for the commander," spoke Broadbottom, "he was shot from his horse and borne from the field by his staff; but not until he had dropped a purse of gold, which I have brought you as a trophy." And with an air of great courtesy he placed the purse, which contained some twenty doubloons, in the hands of the commander, who made him a return of his thanks for such rare faithfulness. "As for the dead," resumed Broadbottom, "we have buried them in the Banana Hills, from which this great battle must take its name. And as you are well read in philosophy, you will, I am sure, confess that we took the most certain method in disposing of the wounded; for there were some forty, and we hung every one of them."
"Truly, sir, I see you are a Christian gentleman, as well as a soldier; and I have no doubt you were moved to this kind act by a knowledge that it would be inhuman to prolong the agonies of these unfortunate men-"