Dear Luke.—I kant bear to see enny man strike a dog, i kno dogs are full ov fleas, but i kno they are full ov affeckshun too. I am very sad when i think that affeckshun iz no protekshun to man, nor kritter in this kold, and ironklad world. It would seem that a lamb ought to git along thru life more fluently than a hornet duz, but they duzzent, and i also notiss that the most suckcessful hornets are thoze who are bilt with a stinger on both ends ov them. I love the lambs, but respekt the hornets.
Dear Mose.—All the humorist that i am acquainted with are sad, and sober kusses. I never knu a fust rate humorist who waz a good laffer, they are willing to make other people laff, but prefer themselfs to stand by and look on. If Mark Twain should be kaught laffing, hiz friends would immejately put him to bed and send for hiz family physician. Nasby, the grate politikal satirist, waz never known to smile but once, and then he, and Pogram, were in the bak end ov the grosery at the crossroads, but the cauze ov hiz mirth iz a profound sekret to this day. The best laffers i hav ever knu, whare thoze who lafft at their own jokes.
SPLINTERS.
If yu are determined to bet enny how, bet yure bottom dollar the fust time, and then go into sum more respektable bizzness.
Thare are no weeds in this world that wilt so quick, az the weeds ov the widower.
Q.–What iz yure favourite name for a Boy?
A.–George Washington, Lafayette, Napoleon, Ulyssess Grant.
The poodle iz a frowzy bird,
A hiding place for fleas, and varmin,
Wimmin lug them round for pets,
And call them "luv," and "duv," and "charming."