Q.–What iz the fastest trotting-time on reckord?
A.–I dont kno az I kare.
A sloven farmer waz old Snyder;
He spent his time a drinkin syder.
Together he worked a cow and muel,
And never sent his boys tew skewel.
HOROSKOPE FOR MAY.
The gentleman who invests hiz life in this month will be very quick tempered, espeshily when a hornet lights on him in anger. His mother will set a good deal by him, espeshily when he iz in the kradle. He will hav the mumps very light, and will spend most ov his life intending tew marry, but will die at last with a half dozen old maids on hiz hands. The wash wimmin will remember him az the man who never wore paper collars.
The lady born this month will fust be a bud, and afterwards a blossom. Her heart will be az full ov twitter as a kanary bird on a perch. She will hav twilight hair. She will hav menny lovers. She will be reasonabel fond ov silk clothes, but her grate joy will be in a bonnet. She will hav az little jealousy az it is prudent for a woman tew hav.
CHOICE OLD RECEIPTS.
To learn a kat how tew bite—feed her on kat nip tea.