“Hipokrasy is one ov the vices that yu kant konvert, ya might az well undertake tew git the wiggle out ov a snake, or the grease out ov fat pork.
“A witty writer is like a porkupine, hiz quill makes no distinktion between a friend and a foe.
“About one-half the discumfert ov this life iz the result ov gitting tired ov ourselfs.
“Solitude wud be an excellent place tew go to if a man could leave his baggage (or sin) behind him.
“He that marrys a christian woman iz the son-in-law ov Divine Providence.
“Menny a young person haz died old by living a long time after they waz dead, and menny an old person haz died long before their time cum by being dead while they waz a living.
“Precepts are poor stuff tew bring up young ones on, it iz like sending them down cellar without enny kandle tew larn them tew see in the dark.
“Thare iz no sutch thing az acksidents, if one thing happens by acksident awl things may; Heaven haz no beureau ov acksidents.
“We should be kerful how we encourage luxurys, it iz but a step forward from hoe-cake to plum-puddin, but it iz a mile and a half, by the nearest road, when we hav tew go back agin.
“Smiles and tears cum from the same fountain, and az the showers ov heaven are followed by the sunshine, tew gladden the earth, so duz joy follow sadness, tew make the soul cheerful.