If we take all the hard sledding ov this life, and make it four times az mutch, it wont amount tew the affliktions that men pile on to each other.
I think evry man and woman on earth, ought tew wear on their hat-band theze words, in large letters: “Lead us not into temtashun.”
I never knew ennyboddy yet to git stung by hornets, who kept away from whare they waz—it iz jist so with bad-luck.
Blessed iz he who haz got a good wife and knows how to sail her.
The true definition ov a luxury iz sumthing that another feller haint got the stamps to buy.
Blessed iz he who alwus carrys a big stone in hiz hand but never heaves her.
Pissmires on the level, are only insignificent, but when they git up on end and begin tew strut on 2 legs they are permanantly ridiklous.
I never read the comick papers, dear Jesse, enny more than I would eat rye-bread when I am away from home.
Yu kan judge ov a mans religion very well by hearing him talk, but yu kant judge ov hiz piety by what he sez, enny more than yu kan judge ov hiz amount ov linnen by the stick out ov hiz collar and waistbands.