It is highly important, when a man makes up his minde tew bekum a raskall, that he shud examine hisself clusly, and see if he aint better konstructed for a phool.
I argy in this way, if a man is right he cant be too radikal, if he is rong he kant be too conservatiff.
I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men.
I beleave in suggar coated pills.—I also beleave that virtue and wisdum kan be smuggled into a man’s soul bi a good natured proverb, better and deeper than tew be mortised into it with a worm-wood mallet and chissell.
The pure don’t grow old enny more than a mountain spring dus.
Rize arly, work hard, and late, live on what yu kant sell, giv nothing awa, and if yu dont die ritch, and go tu the devil, yu ma sue me for damages.
Marrin for love ma be a little risky, but it is so honest, that God kant help but smile on it.
I think i had rather hav a noze 7 inches and a half long, (in the clear) than tew be the hansumest man in our county; for in the fust case, i should work hard tew shorten mi nose bi some other good qualitys, while in the other case, i probably should never be told by my looking-glass that i was a phool.
Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don’t serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long.
Aul ov us komplain ov the shortness ov life yet we all waste more time than we uze.