No man admitted tew this klub who kant swallo a moderate horn ov lickquor; (if he aktually needs it) without the aid ov a doktors preskripshun.
Men who kant keep sober when they are in convivial places, are earnestly invited tew jine this klub, and learn how.
No one who belongs to this klub iz obliged tew eat a pound ov salt codfish and not feel dry.
Old bummers who visit us, will not be admitted, unless they giv the pass word, (the pass word iz named above.)
All persons making aplikashun for admishun must at least be sober enuff tew be ashamed ov themselfs.
We dont beleave that law ever kept a man sober long, but we do beleave that entreaty and example haz.
This iz not a total abstinence klub.
We would be willing to make it one if we only knew how.
If a man jines this klub, and then gits drunk, we take him in again az soon as he gits sober.
Members taken for one sitting, for the purpose ov gitting sober.