Qu.—Is whiskee a tonick?
Ans.—No, it iz an alterative; it alters dollars into pence, and men into bruits.
Qu.—Iz revenge a viktory?
Ans.—Kill a hornet after he haz stung yu, and see if the wound heals enny quicker.
Qu.—Don’t you think that nearly awl the shrewd sayings and snug fitting maxims, in support ov morality, and for the scourgeing ov vice and pholly are simply a rehash ov what haz been written long ago bi the ancients?
Ans.—I do, but that iz no argument aginst their reputation; thare iz just az mutch use for phisick now az thare was when kaster ile waz fust invented.
Qu.—What is the difference between a mistake and a blunder?
Ans.—When a man sets down a poor umbrella and takes 424 up a good one he makes a mistake, but when he sets down a good umbrella and takes up a poor one he makes a blunder.
Qu.—If i couldn’t hav but one thing, what dew yu think it would be?
Ans.—Kontentment, for with that i could buy awl the rest.