PRETTY DAUGHTER—"Why, ma, he says he is a bachelor."
LANDLADY—"Well, I don't believe it. When he opens his pocketbook to pay his board he always turns his back to me."
"Hicks promised to give his wife a dime for every one he spends for cigars."
"How does it work?"
"First rate. You see we meet every day and he buys me the drinks and I buy him the cigars."
DOMESTIC RELATIONS
HUSBAND (newly married)—"Don't you think, love, if I were to smoke, it would spoil the curtains?"
WIFE—"Ah, you are the most unselfish and thoughtful husband in the world; certainly it would."