"Pat, what's that piece of blank paper you have in your hand?" asked one Irishman of another.
"Oh, that's a letter from my wife."
"How do you mean a letter from your wife? Sure, there's no writing on it."
"Of course not. The missus and myself are not on speaking terms."
O'HOULIHAN—"Pwhut's a pessimist, Mike?"
MULDOON—"He's a feller pwhat burns his bridges behind him an' thin crosses thim before he comes to thim."
"Mrs. Flanagan," said the Landlord, "I've decided to raise your rent."