"I'll give you five shillings, Pat, if you can take me to a private still."
"Troth, an' I will sir," was Pat's reply, as he pocketed the money. "Come with me."
For many weary miles over mountain, bog, and moor they tramped, until they came into view of a barracks. Pointing to a soldier seated on a step inside the square, Pat said:
"There you are, sir, my brother Mike; he's been a soldier for ten years, an' he's a private still."
An English clergyman turned to a Scotchman and asked him: "What would you be were you not a Scot?"
The Scotchman said: "Why, an Englishman, of course!"
Then the clergyman turned to a gentleman from Ireland and asked him: "And what would you be were you not an Irishman?"
The man thought a moment and said: "I'd be ashamed of meself!"