"I am surprised, Amos," said the friend "that you should allow yourself to become shabby."
"But I'm not shabby," firmly interposed the millionaire miser.
"Oh, but you are," returned his old friend. "Remember your father. He was always neatly, even elaborately, dressed. His clothes were always finely tailored and of the best material."
"Why," shouted the miser, triumphantly, "these clothes I've got on were father's!"
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
"No man is as well known as he thinks he is," said Caruso. "I was motoring on Long Island recently. My car broke down, and I entered a farmhouse to get warm. The farmer and I chatted, and when he asked my name I told him modestly that it was Caruso. At that name he threw up his hands.
"'Caruso!' he exclaimed. 'Robinson Caruso, the great traveler! Little did I expect ever to see a man like yer in this here humble kitchen, sir!'"
CUSTOMER (trying on dress suit, jokingly)—"I hope I'll never be mistaken for a waiter."