"I bet he must be dead."
Actor Friend (inquiring at boarding house)—Has Mr. Comedy taken his departure yet?
"Yes," snapped the landlady, "but that's all he did take; I've got his wardrobe."
"We have German bands and French bands and American bands, but you never hear of an Irish band. You couldn't have one. Every man would want to be leader."
He dined, not wisely, but too well—
Hence all his ills;
And nothing now agrees with him,
Excepting pills.
Tommy—Yes, cats can see in the dark, and so can Ethel; 'cause when Mr. Wright walked into the parlor when she was sitting all alone in the dark, I heard her say to him, "Why, Arthur, you didn't get shaved to-day."