"Too bad they can't train cats to understand baseball," remarked the fat man to his neighbor on the bleachers. "They'd make ideal umpires. One life for each inning."
"Oh, I am awfully worried. I walk in my sleep." "I only wish I could do it. If I could I'd still have my job on the police force."
He was a genial, smiling man
And fond of whisky plain,
But when he joined the temperance club,
He never smiled again.
She wants to be punctual, always on time,
So carries her watch where she goes.
And if you examine her wardrobe you'll find
She even has clocks on her hose.
Merchant (to his confidential clerk)—Here's a letter from Mr. Slowpay, but no money. What's the matter with him?