"Would you," said the reporter who gets novel interviews, "tell me what book helped you most in life?"
After a thoughtful pause, the great man answered: "My bank-book."
"You were thrown out?" remarked the ash barrel. "That's what you get for being crooked."
"The crookedness, is not my fault," said the nail. "I was driven to it by a woman."
"What relation is a door-step to a door-mat?"
"What relation?"
"A step-farther."