An Irishman quarreling with an Englishman, told him if he didn't hold his tongue he would break his impenetrable head, and let his brains out of his empty skull.
Peters—"Are you not sick of hearing everybody sing that popular song?"
Winkle—"Not I."
Peters—"Heavens! How can you stand it?"
Winkle-"I wrote the song."
I'm the champion long distance cornet player. I entered a contest once and I played "Annie Laurie" for three weeks.
Did you win?
No, my opponent played "Stars and Stripes Forever."